Saturday, June 07, 2008
the weight thing.
i need nice legs, i can no longer stand being fat. can you give me nice legs?
can you take away my fats?
PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASE ??? : O
I'm such a fat girl, and if I could turn back time, I'd have rejected all those ice creams restaurant treats cheesy cheesy icky gooey food AND GOING LIKE FOUR ROUNDS ON A BUFFET. ew. I hate my fat stage, in pri5, that was probably the time where I absolutely looked the WORST, big everywhere, my sharp chin almost completely round, my arms stocky, spare tyres concealed behind those baggy shirts, and STRAIGHT STOCKY FAT LEGS WITH NO SHAPE AT ALL. Everytime I stare at that photo of me during pri5 prize presentation i'm like ZOMG WAS I THAT STUPID AND GREEDY?
Alright, perhaps I have gone considerably far, my legs in a much better shape than ever before and at least it's got alot more muscle than blasted wobbling fat. And i'm happy with my entire torso.
JUST THE STUPID WOBBLING THIGHS- Stop wobbling for goodness sake!
call me desperate, but y'know, i can't help getting this stinging, aching longing when I see skinny people endowed with skinny genes and high metabolic rates, and it aches even more, honestly, when all three of your very best friends have that privilege to die for. Fast food, maggi mee, snacks at home, three proper meals, not an regular (i.e. three times a week) kind of exercise routine, and would you look at that, they're all so skinny. Yes you people are skinny despite the suan-ing at home. *grins*. Okay wait why am I grinning. Normally when friends come we actually have to go to the supermarket and buy snacks just for the occasion, because our family doesn't eat that kind of thing, unless if you count oat crackers and very rarely, prawn crackers or corntos. And i've never drunk a full glass of cow's milk in my entire life 'coz i used to be seriously lactose intolerant, didn't know how soda tasted like till I was 7 'coz of coughs, rarely eat fries, etc etc etc. I could go rambling on and on about this, but up to this point i'm kind of at a very low tolerance for my fatness. Rotund, big, pleasantly plump, whatever, they mean the same thing. Not that anyone has said I'm fat before, except the chinese physician who helped me do tui1 na2 two years back. I suppose it was a very, very wrong move to comment how much meat I had, because after that I never returned despite my church being right above that clinic.
Which is why I am NOT going to see the family chiropractor until my size gets reduced. I am phobic, too afraid sometimes to face the horrible truth.
And this blog, especially with such long and whiny posts, is getting increasingly and nastily self-centered. Gone are the days where it's just, "Oh, today I had geog and it was fun. But I couldn't understand math lesson so I was very bothered." or "lol. CO today was so fun. We act like human metronomes for the gaosuo people doing liang feng, lol. hahaha. heehee."
Maybe it's 'cause I'm realizing reality? Like being dunked in a colossal abyss of icy water and being pulled out of it suddenly- the stinging sensation just lingers on and shocks you for days and many more days to come. Don't get me wrong, I think I have a rather steady self-esteem. It's just the sheer frustration that makes me grit my teeth as type this now, and wanting so badly to at least shed alot of fat without resorting to extremely dangerous means. Rest assured I'll never do that.
Oh, and Gina's losing faith in what she knows
Hates her music, hates all of her clothes
Thinks of surgery and a new nose; every calorie's a war
And while she wishes she was a dancer
And that she never heard of cancer
She wishes God would give her some answers
And make her feel beautiful
I remember feeling low
And I remember losing hope
And I remember all the feelings
And the day they stopped
We are, we are all innocent
We are all innocent, we are, we are
We are, we are all innocent
We are all innocent, we are, we are
One day, you'll have to let it go
You'll have to let it go, no
One day, you'll stand up on your own
You'll stand up on your own, yeah
Remember losing hope
Remember feeling low
Remember all the feelings and the day they stopped
We are, we are all innocent
We are all innocent, we are, we are
We are, we are all innocent
We are all innocent, we are, we are...
She wishes God would give her some answers
And make her feel beautiful
I remember feeling low
And I remember losing hope
And I remember all the feelings
And the day they stopped
We are, we are all innocent
We are all innocent, we are, we are
We are, we are all innocent
We are all innocent, we are, we are
One day, you'll have to let it go
You'll have to let it go, no
One day, you'll stand up on your own
You'll stand up on your own, yeah
Remember losing hope
Remember feeling low
Remember all the feelings and the day they stopped
We are, we are all innocent
We are all innocent, we are, we are
We are, we are all innocent
We are all innocent, we are, we are...
-WeAreAllInnocent- OLP / david cook.
(not that i'm exactly like the woman in the song, but the calorie part is so painfully true.)
Octeopus rambled on and on and on, on
7:33 PM.
