Sunday, November 27, 2005
ahma's best joke.

my dad always says that if you wanted to get to know my grandma better, all you'd have to do would be to sit down and have a good chat with her. The stories she tells are truly baffling, but hilarious and entertaining at the same time. The best thing is that most of the time she never tries to crack jokes but little does she know that the things she say can make us all laugh and gag and scream and choke and guffaw. Here's her best "joke" so far:
This afternoon, while we were having rice at the cantonese restaurant, my grandma suddenly said in her most serious, grim voice:

"My friend told me that she died from choking on rice."

Do you get the joke???? this is wat my father said as he laughed until he went mad:


"......."
"......."
"How did your friend tell you that when she's already dead?"

a very boring sunday.

today was kind of boring. ya. especially in church, coz agogo wasn't feeling well.... ah poor thing. no kenneth, no agogo, i die of loneliness. Got new preacher today because pastor went to los angeles on holiday... after church went to amoy street AGAIN to eat at ka soh restaurant (which is totally cantonese), walk across to China Square to drink our favourite teh tarik, met robert (this very tall guy from jap class) and shop at cold storage.
I wanna go on holiday with my family! It's been four years since we last had an actually nice free-and-easy holiday. Since last year my mom and aunt have been constantly talking about making plans to go overseas. I even have a timeline of the plans we came up with but never (and probably will never be) fulfilled:
!) (2003) let's go to disneyland Orlando!!
2)(2004) anywhere that snows
3)(2004) Korea
4)(2004) Hawaii
5) (2005) New Zealand
6)(2005) America
7)(2005) Japan
8)(2005) Las Vegas
9)(2005) Disneyland Orlando (again)
I wonder, after nearly two years of pondering, where and when are we going? Dad's too busy at work so we can hardly have time to go overseas... Besides I will never get to go to Malaysia because my parents don't like going to malaysia and have phobia of going there. true, it's quite dangerous there... i wanna go holiday! but lots and lots of money will be spent and we don't have that kind of money. maybe when i get married i should go to a snowy country with my husband... snow is cool! I want to see snow!!

Wednesday, November 23, 2005
perverts

Oh who's hiding over there, smirking with glee?
Why is he doing that, and staring straight at me?
Oh who's holding the camera, clicking away?
Why is he clicking, clicking the whole day?

I drew back the curtain to take a whiff of fresh air,
But what's that stupid nincompoop doing over there?
He's peering through his window, he's crouching down low,
What is he trying to do? I'm about to know.

Whenever I'm finished with a bath and cleaned out my ear lobes,
I'm always clad and always clad in white bath robes.
I entered my room and made a horrendous find,
I'd forgotten to close the curtains, i must've been outta my mind!

The dreadful man appeared again and peered thru' the window,
What he'd intended to do, I thought I'd never know.
But i did then.
He whipped out a costly camera and carefully took his aim,
I quickly closed the curtains for I didn't want the shame!

I peeped through a hole in the curtain, and this is what I saw:
Click! Went the camera. I had to close my gaping jaw.
Click! Went the camera. Now that's against the law.
It was a pervert! A stinking pervert was he,
But he failed to get disgusting photographs of me!
I stuck my hand thru' the curtain, and showed him the middle finger,
And from then on he didn't really linger.

Beware, my friends, of this inhuman pest,
And take my advice as the best,
When you see anything suspiscious be extra wary,
And never, never, tarry!
bcoz if not, you'll find your picture in the porn site the next day. :)

This is a REAL TRUE account of what happened to me early last year. My neighbour who lives in the adjacent block unfortunately happens to be one heck of lecher. and a stinking pervert. My mom and I noticed that each time I drew back the curtains of my room, the man would be peering out of his window a few minutes later. And when I closed my curtains the man would silently slink away. Then last year I came out of the bathroom in a bathrobe and my mom drew back the curtains because she wanted to do something with the window and soon, we saw the man appearing behind his window. We quickly closed the curtain just as he took out something which looked horribly like a camera. And once I was safe behind the curtains, I stuck my hand through a gap in the curtains and gave him a middle finger. And he hasn't been bugging me so much since.
And of course, I never forgot the curtains again. :D

Tuesday, November 22, 2005
Goblet of Fire!!!!!

bone of the father, unwillingly given...
I award Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire SEVEN stars! The movie was absolutely well-done this time round, compared to POA last year. lulu xiaoyan and me went to watch it @causeway point today. Heehee. And then I brought this humongous bar of Wonka's Whipple-Scrumptious Caramel Delight and it was so big but I knew (and hoped) that lulu and lion king could finish it up... yay u didn't let me down you two you actually ate almost the whole bar, along with two packets of nachos and cheese dip.
Daniel Radcliffe's getting more good-looking and SNAPE is getting cuter and cuter and cuter!!! *oops snape is my favourite* Especially before the Yule Ball, when harry and ron kept chattering until snape kept on bashing them up on the head! wahahaha! shhhh better not blog about the movie yet in case someone's watched it already!
Anyway. I was thinking of this on the way home:
Why does one aim to be the best?
Yeah. That sure got the rusty gears in my head turning. Why?? Look around you, competition is everywhere. Kiasu parents buying their children endless stacks of assessment books and papers, and enrolling them in countless tuition classes. Shopkeepers competiting to attract more customers by using all sorts of sales gimmicks and attractive discounts. People who actually kill to climb their way to top. Why does this happen?
The prestige. Imagine you were one of the top-notch golf players. You'd be adored by millions worldwide, you'd appear in the newspapers so often that you'd get used to it, and of course, you'll be prestigious. You'd earn heaps and tons of money and would easily be able to obtain the "five Cs". Yeah. Another reason would be for fame and fortune, perhaps. There are many many reasons but i'm not going to list them all out.
And then there are those who fall into a horrible state of depression when they can't climb to the top. Some think it's the end of the world for them, or their ego and self-esteem is terribly affected. Plain kiasuism?
I never like to compete. When you're that kind of person who loves competition, sometimes, when you don't manage to maintain your coveted title, when you actually experience hard cold failure, erm you will really really feel the blow. The hard cold blow. And it's not a good experience if you aren't able to cope and pick yourself up and press on again.
So let's just say that i'm really happy that i failed my bio practical test.... HAHA.

Saturday, November 19, 2005
5566 meet and greet!!!!

left-->deejay li lian
top right--> 5566 dancing tou xin yes i love you

She and her friends finally stood up, waiting anxiously for their turn amongst the sea of hysterical screaming friends. As each row of people went up the stage, the girl could not help but feel as if she were a child again, excited, jumpy and happy. Minutes later, she found herself standing at the end of the stage, gearing up for that long-awaited moment. She felt as if her heart had sunk all the way down her stomach, beating wildly and furiously as a strong surge of adrenaline overcame her. She rubbed her right palm on her boardshorts, took a deep breath and eagerly went up the stage, barely trying to contain her excitement.

The first handshake. Warm and exciting, as she looked at the youngest member of 5566- xu mengzhe.

The second handshake. The smile made her legs turn into strawberry-flavoured jelly topped with a dash of whipped cream. Of course, she returned wang renfu a smile too...

The third handshake. Her favourite of them all. It was warm, it was sincere, it was ultra funtastical supercalifragelisticexpialidociously SUPERB! probably wang shao wei was the only one she mumbled "xie xie" on the first round of handshakes. ooooh.

The fourth and last handshake. Made her turn all woozly and fuzzy and jiggly...? Sun xiezhi sure was super-NICE today...

HIHI! i'm back with the itallics again. hmmm as you can see, i've uploaded some photos of the meet and greet session i went to with leng, agogo and leng's sister today. (leng, ur sis is highly CRUSHABLE, did u noe that?) We reached Tiong Bahru plaza at around 9am and immediately sat down to wait for 5566, who would be appearing six to seven hours later. Fortunately we managed to get some seats near the front, but i wish that those fans right in the front could be a little more considerate and not keep on waving their placards and banners because the rest behind would want to take photographs... okay??? How did the four of us while our time away? We chatted, sent xie lao shi prank smses, played uno, read digital fortress and stoned. We had lunch at long john's silver and the grilled fish wrap was delicious... Then agogo and I went up to Comics Connection to buy 5566, K One and 183 Club wallet cards and Harry Potter and the GOF stickers for our new GOF sticker book. I think i've more or less completed my POA sticker collection...

Back to 5566. The deejays ling zhi and li lian came!!! Li lian is a pretty host!! Oh oh and the last two hours of waiting was FUN! Once in a while li lian would appear and play games with us, or play our favourite 5566 songs! And when they played shi jie zui mei de feng jing I was singing so loudly!! yay. yes, 5566 song-singalong time is really enjoyable, and when the clock struck three, everyone was eagerly awating 5566's arrival. Leng and her sis were quite composed, but agogo and I were first-timers so we were both freaking out and talking about our nervousness and everything... AND thank God I was sitting super near the barriers, when 5566 was making their way to the stage, I managed to see them UP-CLOSE but I only got a blurred picture of shaowei and a rear view of renfu. We were all frantically trying to take pictures of 5566 on the stage, but we were usually blocked by some placards... Fortunately I still got many fantastic shots. YAHOOOOO! They performed Tou Xin Yes I Love You, one of my fave songs in the 3rd Album! Their dancing is absolutely dazzling, and maybe our Dance examiner might have graded them with Honors. hahar. After talking for a while, it was TIME FOR THE MEET AND GREET PART! This time we all freaked out, and during the performance the four of us actually called out renfu's name in unison reeeeally loud! And the whole time I was shrieking "SHAAAOOWEEEEIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!" and I must've sounded like an angry hyena because leng almost went deaf from my screaming. oops, sorry.... hehe....

And now, for the BEST part, the most supercalifragelisticexpialidociously wonderful part, the meet and greet session!!!! While queueing for our turn, agogo and I were frantically trying to make ourselves look neat and tidy, and before we knew it, voila, it's time to meet 5566... Before going up the stage, this man was supposed to chop something on our concert tickets, but he had conveniently forgotten to chop on mine. Anyway, I walked up the stage and shook each of their hands. I think I squeezed shaowei and renfu's hands particularly hard *whoops* and agogo was so thrilled that she kept squealing, "They looked us directly in the eye! They looked us in the eye!!!!" It all happened so fast, and we still weren't very contented with ONE handshake. We were debating on whether to risk going for another round of handshakes, and, finally, we quietly joined the queue again. At first, the guard only let leng and her sis in, but after some pleading, they obliged and let agogo, myself and two to four others pass. We were so happy to be in the queue, but there was one more problem. All our tickets except mine had been chopped on already. We presumed that once you had a chop, you weren't supposed to queue again. But anyway we just took the risk and shook their hands again! The second time was quite exciting! According to leng's sis, mengzhe might have known that we'd already greeted him once! But anyway he shook our hands... My encounter with renfu was quite remarkable. Agogo and I guessed that he too knew about our 'secret' because he gave me a look before shaking my hand. Oh and i don't know what made me do it, but i turned and told him "jia you" and he smiled very briefly before shaking leng's sister's hand. Come to think of it, I wished every one of them!!! Too bad shaowei was busy with a reporter, so he left his hand stretched out and I squeezed it VERY tight... Then xiezhi... the same reaction as the first round, I guess.

THE WHOLE SESSION WAS HIGHLY EXHILARTING!!!!!!! And I kept my right hand from contact with anything except my handphone and tickets, until I got home and pressed all the wonderful smells of 5566's palms onto a green piece of paper and pinned it on my bedroom wall! I LOVE 5566! especiaLLy sAm wAng shAowEi!!!!

and only during the handshaking session did the girl realise the magic of two simple words-"Xie Xie".

Friday, November 18, 2005
prize presentation oh five.

Hola! I shall skip the itallics today and proceed to the happenings of today. (well, well, this seems like a typical anne frank-regurgitated sentence. hahar.)
9.o7am: I guess I didn't really expect myself to wake up THIS early, but somehow i could feel that my mind was willing me to awaken, strongly oppressing the lethargy i was feeling. bleh! Five minutes later I was asleep again, my head dangling at the edge of the bed. Until my maid woke me up at 9.30. I fell asleep AGAIN and was finally forced to wake up when mom returned home at 10am.
Next was practice time again. I was so hungry and sleepy that I couldn't even see the notes correctly, until I was given a packet of chicken rice some time later. It was quite a funny sight to see my mom wrenching my mouth open to push in scoops of chicken rice while I rehearsed on the piano. Do you suppose I'd have enough time to practise TEN blasted songs when we were leaving in half an hour?!
I arrived at RSS at around noon and was pleasantly surprised to see Leng waiting outside the guzheng room, with her little sis jumping all around like some frisky puppy. We talked for a while and then I had to practise my pieces on the baby grand piano in the school hall. oh no.
HERE WE GO AGAIN. I sat down at the piano and played so many songs for so long that i couldn't calculate how long i'd been sitting at the piano. The whole hall then was completely silent as there wasn't any guests around there, except for a bevy of pri 6 girls who seemed pretty interested in my performance.
When the guests came streaming in I got really nervous. I mean, at home, I was already so nervous that my feet were sweaty and icy cold. Here's the scenario: I had to give a mini-concert which involved myself playing seven songs in more than an hour, until the guests for the Prize Presentation had all arrived. Oh, and of course, play three more songs for the intermission during the grand performance.
WOW. Initially i was only asked to play TWO songs, and now it had come to this- TEN songs. The moment the guests came, I had to start playing. Here are the songs in order:
for the mini concert,
Think of Me-Phantom of the Opera
Sonata in D-Domenico Scarlatti
Yu Jian-the famous song which i'd tried to teach lulu to play...
Impromptu-Anton something something Arensky
The Phantom of the Opera-the song explains it all.
Canon in D-Johann Pachelbel
Rondo-Diabelli
Arabesque in E-Claude Debussy (my favourite)
And the three intermission songs:
Think of Me (again)
Mariage D'Amour-Richard Clayderman
Ballade Pour Adeline-Richard Clayderman
I think the whole thing was pretty good, especially the intermission songs. I never dreamed that I'd ever be able to finish a whole medley of songs all by myself. But i don't think I'd want to perform piano pieces in RSS for now. What about a hip-hop dance or something?
Prize Presentation. I was awarded some prize money for being top ten in standard for PSLE last year. Quite a handsome sum, I guess...
I met gordon and johnathan siow and ying and shang xuan. But no wee-wee! Where are u! We were talking for a while when we met Mr Chua...and of course, the rest of the time was spent dawdling around the staff room and general office, trying to find my pri6 chinese teacher who's more commonly known to me as CROCO. And so kar min and I were invited to the tea reception by mrs fong (the VP) and mr ong (the principal) and the guest of honour was mr douglas foo, who is in charge of sakae sushi restaurant (YAY sushi!). and I was given an offer to get a VIP card! yes! more sushi for octeopus!
kar min... I can't wait to see you in RGS next year! and i've told you about my liangzi fan club rite? *pokes lulu* see ya!!!!
well. today rawked. totally!

Thursday, November 17, 2005
the flower incident.

the girl walked up to her six precious darlings, carefully avoiding the bits of shredded newspaper strewn all over the balcony. Poking her head under the soggy blanket which was being hung up to dry, she grabbed the watering can and stroked her darlings gently with her pudgy fingers. Their petals seemed to embrace her as they swayed gently in the cool morning breeze.
"Good morning, everyone!" exclaimed the girl cheerily, grinning broadly at them.
She began to sprinkle fresh water into their pots as she talked to each one of them excitedly.
"Gino! What's wrong with you?"
Apparently Gino the bright purple flower had just shed two of his petals.
"Oh dear. Never mind, i'll give you extra tender loving care," gushed the girl and she went on to water the other five.
Once every of her darlings had been carefully watered, the girl finally put down the watering can and said,
"THERE. NOW THEY'RE HAPPY."
Okay. I've been keeping flowers since Sunday evening. What happened was that after our jog at Bedok Reservoir, we noticed that there were so many pots of flowers left after the fair at the park was over. We all clambered on top of each other to grab as many pots as we can, and, finally, my family managed to get hold of six pots-
Gino the little bright-purple flower,
Kido the little violet flower,
Zax the big pink rose,
Tony the big red rose,
Sam the big purple rose, and of course
Jason the little pot of purple flowers.
My maid probably thinks i've mad, so i've been told, but who cares? I love talking to my flowers! Although... zax the rose has withered! there's only two buds on him left! God save the rose! Since there's usually no one home to really talk to, the only consolation is that I have my dog (who isn't what people would call a good listener), my 5566 toys, these flowers and........and....
THE DOG LULU GAVE ME! her name is lalulu. *hmm.*
I'm sure people talk to their favourite things. Like the way my dad talks to my dog, how my mom sings to nobody in particular and my grandma who is able to strike brief conversations with the TV downstairs. Especially people who are the only child at home?! *stares meaningfully at lulu and xiaoyan and cousin* Probably xiao yan talks to dust particles that got trapped in her bushy mane and lulu talks to pictures of stefanie sun. you never know! One day I should embark on a quest to find out... muahahahaha...
I'm so bored and lonely at home! There's not much to do except write, write and write. and read. and practise math! Apart from receiving smses from leng, fang, agogo and occasionally lulu, there isnt much left to do!
But the best way to while the time away is to write, write and write.
después de todo, ése es el camino al periodismo.
seeking the pathway to journalism.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005
i am irritated!

she sat at the school's large grand piano, lifted her fingers gingerly and began to play, hoping that those weeks of intensive training would not go to waste. as she played the concerto on the piano, she gradually gained her momentum and felt a surge of confidence with each key she played.
Suddenly, the wide-eyed giant of a woman marched grandiosely towards the girl. The girl became nervous as she stared up at her gargantuous physique. She wore a stern look on his face, her thick lips pursed like two little sausages piled up on top of one another. Despite her slightly oversized figure, she looked scholarly and carried himself with an unusual grace as he swept across the hall. "Right," thought the girl, scowling as she played a wrong note, "the worst thing about her is that she wears a bikini to piano lessons!"
"Wrong note. Start from the beginning."
The girl scowled but dutifully followed his instructions. Oops, another wrong note. She was beginning to lose her focus.
"From the beginning again."
Rats. Come on, concentrate! You can do this!
Halfway through the song, the burly woman finally left without uttering a single word. The girl seemed to play better without her watching over the girl like a hawk.
"Finished!!! HENG AH..." the girl heaved a sigh of relief as she went on to play yet another musical interlude.
HOHO how do u like my story? This is inspired by the many piano lessons i had with my unbearable ex-piano teacher. she makes my blood boil. until it evaporates. HAHA.
Today i shall look at the subject of BABIES. la-dee-da...
Why do people fuss over babies? **whoops. darling lulu has just sent me a sms!!!**
Oh yeah. WHY do people always feel like cooing and fussing over a baby when they see one? I noticed that everytime some of my friends see a baby they all start going gaga over it and of course, the trademark shriek: "SO CUUUUUTE!!!!!"
Babies, after all, are humans anyway. We were once babies. Babies grow into adults over time. Fussing over a baby would just be like fussing over the man selling roti prata across the street, or the average businessman you see walking to his office in Shenton Way. What do you think? To me babies are no different from our fellow human beings, they are but our fellow homo sapiens! It's just that they need a bit of guidance from the others around them, and i don't think babies are so cute that they make you feel all fuzzy and warm. NO! Dogs, cats, horses, animals, non-living things and even full-grown humans are cute! Like lulu! Lulu is a cute horse/ice cream/human!!! What's the difference?
the difference is that babies are smaller. and their voices are more high-pitched.
SO WHAT? Vera and liyana and millions of other older people are smaller and have rather high-pitched voices! Girls have high-pitched voices (and so does my boy cousin) too!!!!!
Don't take what i just wrote into deep consideration because I'm scared of babies. Very very scared. I'm not afraid of cockroaches or anything but i'm afraid of babies. My neighbour has a baby and when it cries, my hair stands up and I become irritable. Weird, huh? I have my reasons for being afraid. To others, it's merely a self-centered, silly childhood fear, but to me, it's a nightmare that haunts me time and again, since I was five. Go figure out yourself why i'm so scared and if you can guess right, i'll be flabbergasted. Maybe I'll write about that fear next time i blog. Stay tuned for the next instalment!! :D

Tuesday, November 15, 2005
Holidays.........

YAY! finally got the internet back on! we just bought a new wireless modem and it works perfectly...
the holidays are kind of fun, but boring at the same time. let's see wat i did last week.....
MONDAY. drama nite was fun fun fun! was having high fever but i still went out with lulu xiaoyan zan kiwan tessa valsoh mag celine vera and deanna. oooh beard papa cream puffs are the best! savouring it with elegance... *winks and pokes lulu* We were at takashimaya taking ages to decide where to eat and we ended up sitting cross-legged on the marble floor of the atrium eating take-away food... AND on the way back we saw three teachers *gasps gasps gasps* so in the end we had no choice but to walk back to school... oh dear... thanks lulu for erm *comforting* *ahem* me on the way back.
TUESDAY WEDNESDAY THURSDAY
stayed at home watching playhouse disney channel most of the time and playing pokemon emerald. WOOHOO! i've got latias, regirock, regice, registeel and aggron now...
FRIDAY.
fun fun fun! wheeeeee!!! me and lulu went to xiaoyan's house at lakeside... LAKESIDE!!! so far awayyy! it took me more than an hour to reach... we played badminton for a long long long long time and after that i realised that i CAN play badminton. i mean, at least i don't ever serve the shuttlecock to the other court like someone *pokes lulu again*!!! the best part was installing msn into xiaoyan's computer. Apparently she didnt like the idea of having msn in her comp so she was shrieking and screaming and howling like a banshee while lulu and i were using msn. Then my best fren leng went online and me and lulu played a VERY nasty trick on leng. muahaha. i told leng that
- lulu and i were getting married
-i loved lulu like mad
-me and lulu were in a jacuzzi together
-my mother in law made the best DUMPLINGS in the whole wide world
-lulu and i sold our house in johor bahru and bought 8000 hectares of land, two mountains and a hotel in China.
and my poor best friend was so disgusted! sorry leng!!! muahaha...
oh and we found some super-cute pictures of xiaoyan, and, believe it or not, HER HAIR WAS NOT CURLY BUT STRAIGHT AS A STICK! how can this be? how did it happen? nobody knows... except xiaoyan. the shrieking screaming howling yelling banshee/feline/human named xiaoyan.
oooh. i'm having fun baybeh!